flameinthedarkness | Duplicity Inbox

[Things have... been difficult since the Unbirthday tea party. At least between Cater and Idia. They had both tried to play off nothing happened, everything normal, or as normal as possible with everything Duplicity throws at them. Keeping up with what is needed in the household and in their contract... but they still not quite right. Still a level of hesitation around the other, which both trying to ignore was there. Both not quite as relaxed as they had been before. Or having a moment of seeming fine, then remembering what happened, then back to being awkward.

And maybe both thought they were pulling it off well!

Until Silver steps in.

At which point both will find themselves sitting at the dining room table in Elysium, one on either side, Silver at the head of it. Looks like they aren't getting out of this...]

[Cater, of course, who loves to pretend that everything is totally chill at all times no matter how often he loses his cool in private, leans casually back in his chair with a sigh.]

So, like, what’s this about? You’re being toootally serious rn, Silver. More than normal, I mean.

[The unreadable look Silver turns on Cater could be his usual neutral expression... except no, there's something different in his eyes. There's tension around them, their color darker. He folds his arms across his chest, and there's more tension in those muscular arms. Still, his voice is calm and quiet, but firm.]

I've been watching the two of you for a while, and I've had quite enough of this awkward tension in the house. It's not good for any of us, no matter how you might pretend otherwise.

[Eeehh, Idia hated this already, even before Silver started talking. It feels like he's about to be told off for something! What has he done?! Nothing! But, hey, maybe he's wrong and Silver wants to talk about... he doesn't know. House stuff? Maybe? Whatever.

Yet as Silver speaks... Idia finds himself slumping in his chair a bit. Oh gods, no. Nope, nope, it's fine, deflect!] Ah... what you mean? [Nope, nope, everything fine. Don't look into it any deeper.]

Awkward? I definitely don’t feel awkward.

[Cater twirls a lock of his hair, avoiding direct eye contact with either of them.]

Like, no offense but maybe you’re projecting?

[He’s with Idia on this one. Deny, deny, deny.]

Nothing but chill vibes here, fam.

Edited 2023-05-22 03:13 (UTC)

[Speaking of "chill?" The piercing stare directed at Cater goes cold, swiveling first to Idia and then back to Cater.]

Horseshit.

[The word snaps out tight but still eerily quiet. Uh oh. At least the ones after are calmer but no less unhappy.]

You both refuse to look at each other. Idia-senpai is ready to hide under the table, and Cater-senpai, you're toying with your hair. You do that when you're being insincere. You think I don't notice things because I'm always drowsy, but I do.

[WTF is this call out?! Don't talk to your Dom like this, Silver! Well... not that Idia really cares about that.. really... just... he really doesn't like this! WTF is this?! Idia cringing at that look sent his way and those follow up words, fighting the urge to curl up more in his seat.

Damnit... Silver is more aware than Idia realized. He's used to that shit from everyone else, didn't consider he would have to be careful around Silver.]

...never heard you swear before. [Not much of swear... but still... focus on that instead!]

[Even Cater startles at mild-mannered Silver’s no-nonsense put-down. At once, the Ginger forces his hands away from his hair, falling forward in his seat so he’s no longer in a casual position.]

Yeesh…harsh…

[Cater frowns, daring a quick glance at Idia before he looks over at Silver.]

Why does it matter, anyway? We coexist fine. You should’ve seen how little Idia looked at me at NRC. Compared to then, we’re practically BFF status.

We're not at NRC!

[That comes out as a shout, Silver's hands slamming onto the table. He bows his head, taking several deep breaths to calm and center himself, and when he speaks again he's back to that stern but soft tone.]

If this was how it had been from the start, I might've believed you. But something happened recently, and if we don't deal with it, it will get worse. Things of this nature always do.

[See? Cater gets it! The last month or two has no doubt been the most Idia has spoken to Cater in the entire time he's known him. It just... Idia ready to sigh out the rest.

But jumps in his seat at that slam of Silver's hands, his hair flaring up in sparks as it does before he's able to get his heart rate back down. Damnit Silver! He's used to this shit from Sebek! Not you!

And the thing is... Idia would agree with that. If it was anything other than this. Other than dealing with emotions. And other people's emotions. If there's an issue you fix it. But... he can't fix this, and that's part of the issue; Idia slumping down again, pulling a knee up to his chest and his foot on the seat, looking off away from them both.

...he doesn't want to do this.

He doesn't know how to.]

[Unlike Idia, Cater doesn't flinch as Silver has his outburst--but it does inspire a reaction. His face goes flat, almost apathetic. When people get like this...when he gets like this, himself...it's just exhausting. He doesn't want to deal with this. Why can't anything ever just be simple?]

Okay.

[The silence, up until that point, felt electric in the worst kind of ways. Silver's frustration, the big and unaddressed something taking up the space between him and Idia. But Idia wasn't talking, and Silver was only going to get more upset. So, Cater figures, that puts it on him.]

So, what do you want us to do? What are you hoping for? 'Cause I promise you: we could talk about what-didn't-happen until our lungs gave out and it wouldn't change anything. I respect what you're trying to do but it really doesn't matter.

Edited 2023-05-22 05:26 (UTC)

[Silver would have to be blind, deaf, and braindead not to see Idia's shutting down and Cater has a wall up that's nothing like the cheerful mask he wears. That's bad enough, but those words echo over and over in his head.

What are you hoping for?

It wouldn't change anything.

It really doesn't matter.

His hands, still flat on the table, start to tremble. The breathing he had calmed down grows quicker, rougher again.

I can't change anything.

It hits so close, too close to a wound that's still raw and unattended. He hasn't told anyone, he's keeping so many secrets, and the pressure is unbearable.

Everything always falls apart in the end.

His shoulders hitch and a few tears splatter onto the table.]

I can't... lose another family....

[Exactly. Exactly! Cater gets it! So what's the point? Sure, it was... not great, but that's life. You just get through it. Even if you don't want to. Find a distraction, use that, and keep going.

Idia so ready to just... ignore this all, to try not to give in just yet to that need to leave. Though his expression starts to shift as he hears that. Surprised by the source, gaze turning to Silver and...]

Silver? [Tone soft and shocked, uncurling himself from his seat, posture opening up more as he turns towards Silver. What? What? Shooting a look to Cater and mouthing 'what do we do?!' as panic sets in. What does he do?! What does he do to stop this?!] S-Silver? [A shaky hand reaching out to Silver's shoulder.]

[Oh. Oh shit. Oh fuck. Silver starts crying and his whole I-don't-care-life-is-just-bullshit-anyway expression cracks into a startled sort of panic. Damage control--they need to do damage control, stat! He really didn't expect what he said to hit so hard. Maybe make him mad, but not...this.

He shakes his head as he meets Idia's quiet question with a I have no idea look of wide-eyed shock before sliding out of his chair and into the space beside Silver.]

Heeeeey, hey, who's losing anybody? It's not like we're going anywhere! [That they know of. Like, unless they flat out disappear.] You weren't thinking we were just gonna up and ditch you, right?

[At the touch of Idia's hand, Silver breaks completely and sobs. It's an awful, gut-wrenching sound, tears flowing down his face. He doesn't pull away, doesn't back up from them, but he shakes his head fiercely.]

Y-- you don't understand! The l-- last thing I remember... wh-- what I s-- saw...!

[He can feel his heart cracking, the hasty sutures of must survive and must protect that held him together popping like violin strings. His own pain must've been nothing compared to Malleus's, to drive the desperate fae to whatever he was about to do.]

Lilia... F-- Father.... [What does he care about concealing their bond anymore? He'd just said they're not at NRC anymore, what does any of it matter? Even if he's never said it out loud, in his heart he is and always will be Silver Vanrouge.] He... he was l-- leaving... d-- d-- dying....

[A truth he could never bring himself to say since he realized it. His most precious person, once powerful and feared and loved, is fading away.

And as Cater said, there's nothing he can do about it.]

[That...

IS A LOT TO TAKE IN! Idia's head buzzing with those bombshells surrounded with Silver's distress. A distress that... in a way Idia can understand, but also not. Idia never had a warning. It just happened. Was fast. Silver knowing ahead of time...

It's a whole different type of torture. A different type of grief.

Idia's still for a few beats. Before his expression softened, hand tightening on Silver's shoulder. At least this time Idia knows this isn't something he can fix. Unlike trying with Cater. Not something he can offer suggestions or help with. He can't even help himself with his own grief, so how can he help someone else?]

[Just like Idia, Cater's frozen to the spot he's standing in as he listens to Silver break down. What...what in the world was happening back home? When had Silver come from? Lilia's dying? And did Silver call him...father?

No, no, this wasn't any kind of time to think about the smaller details. Most importantly, this tells Cater something notable about what's happening here between the three of them. It's not about them. It's about Silver. About what Silver's lost, or is in the process of losing. He'd joked about projecting, but hadn't thought it would be anything like this.

It feels so hollow to offer a sympathetic word. What can really be said? How can any of them help? They're here, not there, and even if they were...none of them would have the knowledge they have here.

So, Cater takes a breath and wraps his arms around Silver, embracing him tightly without dislodging Idia's hand from his opposite shoulder.]

[They’re quiet and trying to comfort him. They’re not fighting. But it’s a hollow victory, a temporary reprieve. Because now they know what he’s been trying to hide since he arrived, they know he’s as far from “fine” as they are.

Cater’s embrace feels so good, Idia’s grip on his shoulder strangely grounding. He needs to get control of himself. The tears won’t stop. It’s not like the quick venting cry sessions he has in private now and then, this is a broken seal. He’s mostly quiet, with only occasional hiccups and sobs muffled by bitten lips. After a while, he scrubs his eyes with the back of a hand, his voice thick and rough and his eyes puffy.]

I’m okay… I’m okay now, really….

[Idia stays there, waiting it out, for Silver to get that out then find a way to move it aside for now to cope. He waves his free hand towards the kitchen, a glass moving around in the background, filling up with water and floating over, placing it down on the table for Silver as he sighs out,] None of us are ok, that's kinda the issue... [It was all about putting on a face that it was. Even when it wasn't. Especially when it wasn't.

It just means... it's that much more of a shock when those masks drop and show what's really behind them.]

[With his head resting on the top of Silver’s, Cater glances at Idia when he speaks up. They really are all fucked up, aren’t they? And after Silver had comforted him with such patience, without judgment…thinking on it now, Cater wonders how Silver could find it in him when he’d been secretly struggling all alone. Really, as badly as it had affected him, Cater didn’t blame Idia for bolting when he ripped his mask off. This kind of shit was hard without worrying about anyone other than yourself.

And yet…here they both are. Because Silver had been here, unwaveringly helpful and loyal for them both, regardless of their bullshit. He never expected anything from them for it. So, even if he knows it’s hypocritical of him, even if he can say it without feeling it toward himself, Cater relents. Silver deserves at least this much.]

It’s okay to not be okay. Hurting doesn’t make you any less of a capable person. We all feel helpless, sometimes. [He gives a small, sad chuckle.] Guess that day to be that person for someone else wasn’t so far off, after all.

Edited 2023-05-27 02:45 (UTC)

[At first, Silver isn't sure what Cater's talking about. But then he remembers what he said to the ginger boy after Cater returned from the Unbirthday Party, when Silver realized what had been taken from his friend. He hadn't thought Cater would be returning that compassion to him. Shameful, it's shameful that he couldn't contain his emotions the way he'd trained for. A knight is supposed to place others above himself.

But he's not a knight here, is he? He's a Submissive, expected to grovel rather than choosing to serve. Thank the Seven Idia isn't like many of the other Dominants. Still, that doesn't change the fact that Silver's role has changed in this city.

The truth is, he never wanted them to worry about him, not when they have their own fears. It has nothing to do with his training, only his gentle heart.]

... I don't want us to fight. We're... we're all we have. It's the one selfish wish I've made. [He leans heavily against Cater, reaching up to rest a hand over Idia's.] You're my family here. I don't... I can't let us fall apart.

[Silver seems so... together. Able to just adapt. So Idia can get what Cater is saying, of seeing it finally crack. Guess even the most level headed people could have it happen to them. Then again, losing a family member, being taken while that was happening... Idia's quiet as Cater spoke, as Silver started speaking. Yet as Silver said that...

Family.

Idia pulls his hand back. Away from Silver's hold. Taking it in his other hand. Taking a step back from... this. Family? Really? Ha! Yeah right... what really is the point of any connection here? Or ever? People leave. People die. What's the point in the end? Idia's brow dropping into a frown, caught up in his own thoughts rather than what all of this is. Whatever 'this' was. That conflict of having shoved in his face over and over again to make connections. That he 'needs' friends. And 'needs' connections. To survive this place.

Why?

Squeezing his eyes closed hard for a moment, Idia gives himself a mental slap. No. Stop. Don't fail Silver like you had Cater. Or more the fact, don't fail being their Dominant again. He had bailed on Cater that time. Failed at his job. He can't do that again. Wanted to. Wanted to run and hide again... but forcing himself to stay still. Not talking. Not reacting now he had his own space, his own personal bubble.

But not running either.]

[It's a lot for Cater to take in, too. Family is...huge. It's bigger than friends, bigger than most romantic partners you'll have in your life. Cater has a decent amount of hang-ups with his own family but he'd still never trade them for anything. He'd still fight tooth-and-nail to protect each and every one of them. Even when Cater would dread going home for breaks knowing that his sisters would be there...the idea that he'd never get to see them again hits different.

He's needed more than what he's gotten from them, over the years. But still, they're the only ones who have ever been in his life no matter how far they traveled. How much deeper would it cut to think that he could never, ever see them again?

So for Silver to make that comparison, he can feel his own urge to run, his own anxieties, climbing up in his throat. He says he needs that connection and stability, but to form it, doesn't he understand how much pain he's setting himself up for? Doesn't he realize that all of this could fall apart all on its own without any impact from the three of them? They mean nothing to this city. They're just toys that can get thrown away, returned to sender, no receipt needed.

Cater swallows, wincing internally as Idia pulls back. He wants to do the same...but he knows what will happen if he does. Silver will take these emotions that he's presented, his truth, his real face, and hide it away again. He shouldn't have to do that. Cater's so used to wearing his mask that he rarely knows who he is without it on, so he can bear this sort of burden. But Silver? No, he deserves better.

So no matter what he's thinking or feeling, he pulls the boy even more tightly to his chest.]

We aren't fighting, Silver. None of us. Not with each other, at least. You're right, something happened between Idia and I but it isn't what you think, and we don't hold anything against each other. Even if we did, you've gotta understand that you aren't in any way responsible for everyone else's problems. [He pauses, clearing his throat.] The three of us...it sounds like we have battles that we have to fight on our own. We can be here to support each other but whether we win or lose isn't on anyone but ourselves. And if we do lose, that isn't your fault. You can still be there to hold out a hand after the damage is done, though...and I think that's the best we can try for. I know you aren't going anywhere. I'm not going anywhere.

[He glances toward Idia. He'd pulled back...but he was still there for Silver. That's what mattered.]

Idia's not going anywhere.

[At least not as much as they could help it.]

Edited 2023-06-01 04:26 (UTC)

[If not for Cater and that tighter embrace, Silver might've slipped away from the scene to sob until he was hollowed out enough to get his own mask back in place. Seven knows he's done it enough since arriving, in secure privacy. But he still tenses when he feels Idia's hand slide from under his, off his shoulder; there's no hiding that. He starts to lean heavily into Cater, breath hitching, but he stops himself. He started out trying to help his friends, but now he's being a burden. Why is he adding to the problem when he should be protecting them like a true knight?

So he tries to pull away from Cater, to give the other boy some breathing room, but he's so very empty right now. There's no more strength to be... well, strong.]

I don't... want anyone else to suffer... if I'm not strong enough to prevent a catastrophe, how can I be strong enough to fix the damage afterwards? [His breath catches again.] M-- Malleus-sama was about to do something terrible, I'm certain of it. I... I don't know if I'll be able to set it right, I don't know if anyone can. It's better to stop something from being broken than to put the pieces back together....

[Ha. Listen to Cater go. Him handling this so well. So much better than Idia ever could. He's their Dominant. He's the one that's supposed to be taking care of them, of making sure they had all they needed to survive Duplicity.

And Idia's failing at it.

He really is useless, Idia giving a shake of his head as a hand comes up to his mouth, a sound that started as a sigh out before turning to a forced, angry chuckle, but... not quite sounding like himself... as if his voice is doubled over on itself, the sound of static mixed it.

He really is pathetic. Can't do a single job right.

Silent for that time as Silver spoke, trying to push back those self-pity thoughts, to shove on that mask and act like he should; as a Dominant. As the Boss. As someone who has their shit together and has to run stuff. Even if all he wants to do is crawl into bed and stay there and never wake up again. The Fates aren't that kind. But any attempt to compose himself is shoved to the side as Silver speaks, Idia's attention snapping back to that.] What? [All of that self doubt instantly vanishing.]

What do you mean about to do something terrible? [Idia's tone shifting as well. Flat. Serious. Needing an answer.]

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