flameinthedarkness

Considering those sleeves were long on Idia, Cater really was swamped in them, Idia slipping his fingers up under that sleeve edge so he could fully hold Cater's hand. Those concerns and plans for their 'what the hell are we?' talk just... vanishing right now. All unimportant.

Idia lets out a sigh, his other hand running through his hair, not realizing he was standing a little straighter as he spoke, shoulders less curved in, unaware his mask was slipping as he spoke. He... always wanted to be able to talk about stuff like this but... couldn't. Still can't really, not fully, but... a little. "Yeah. Yeah. My first memories were of learning how to do the family business. How to deal with everything. Even coming here I still had to work on stuff for it. It just..." He stopping and frowning to himself, swallowing a lump that was forming in his throat. Knowing he shouldn't speak about this. "It just... is. Whether I like it or not." Dwelling in those feelings for a moment... before brushing them off again. "But doesn't matter 'cause I gotta do it."

They get to the bottom of the tower as Idia starts to explain a bit more about himself--his importance to the family business. Cater reaches out to open the door with his free hand, quiet as he listens and they walk up the stairs. He understands part of it. His father's job set the whole course of Cater's life, built the basis of his insecurities before his sisters cemented the cracks between the bricks he put around himself.

But he isn't beholden to his father's job. Doesn't have anything to inherit or be responsible for. Just a big fat void of avoidance laid out in front of him. It doesn't feel right saying he relates, to put their lives on an equal level when what Idia's going through is undoubtedly more of a struggle than his own. I dug my own hole, he has to admit. I can't blame anyone but myself if I get buried in it.

"I haven't forgotten what you said," he confesses. "About only having a year left before you take it over. You meant graduation, didn't you?"

Edited 2023-03-08 02:54 (UTC)

Idia actually stops in his place on the stairs, maybe even jolting Cater to a stop with that question. And Cater will get to see that coping mechanism of his at work; that emotion of reality hitting him, brows curving up more, eyes narrowing... before Idia closes them, a deep breath in... out, and when he opens his eyes again it's like a shield is put in front of his face, all emotions vanishing from his expression. Drowning but still moving forward.

And Idia does, moving again up those stairs as he answers, "I mean, fourth year is internships and... no point in me going anywhere else but home. I'll just end up there anyways so why bother doing anything else?" There was no point. He may as well just get on with work, devote all his time to it rather than... wasting it doing something that wouldn't matter anyway.

As Idia stops, Cater watches him with an unchanging sort of melancholy. He looks different like this--put together, standing tall, but not with a trace of passion for life. At least the shy Idia got excited about his hobbies. It's like seeing himself, seeing Cay-Cay, but if Cay-Cay was the uber-mysterious type.

It's not cringe, but it's hard to watch in a different kind of way. It's painful.

So he waits until they get to the top of the tower, back to the spot where this whole dating mess began, before he says anything else.

"This whole NRC thing is just a temporary distraction...and I guess I forgot just how close it is to ending."

"...yeah." Idia answers, realizes his tone is mirroring his lack of expression but... not trusting himself to let it drop right now. Yet his grip on Cater's hand is firm, like using the other to ground him during this. "Never wanted to come here in the first place but..." A sigh. "I really did waste my time here..." He had been scared. So scared. And defeated. What was the point? It was just going to end.

But maybe if he had made the most of it...

What? He would just have to lose it in the end anyway. Another sigh, more running his hand through his hair, head down and eyes closed. Fighting to control it all.

Eventually, "Fucking sucks, huh?" For both of them. It's so easy to get lost in NRC and see it as it's own world but... it would be over for them both by the end of this year. Not officially, but may as well be. They won't be on campus for the most, be off doing their own thing. Just... it's a real wake up call.

"I've been scared," Cater admits, soft and quiet, as they stand there. "About this, about us. Even before I asked for a date--just being friends with you. Afraid I'll like you too much and I won't be able to handle all of it ending."

He moves to be in front of Idia fully, reaching to take Idia's other hand in his, head bowed and leaning in slightly, like he could tip over at any moment. It's hard...hard to say this, but the best he thinks he can do right now is be upfront. If it were anyone else, he could just lie. Sweep his feelings under the rug.

But not Idia. Not after all he's shared. All that Cater's learned.

"So what if we make sure you haven't wasted your time?"

A sigh, but... not as empty as those before, one of those where it's got a bit of a laugh laced in with it, an exhale of amusement. "Still don't get why you even tried in the first place with me... considering I always ran from you." Idia really doesn't get it, what he has to offer to anyone at all.

"So what?" Idia asks, looking to their hands, shifting them so their fingers linked lightly, Idia's thumbs brushing over the sides of Cater's hands. "You saying just go 'fuck it' and just... do whatever? Gonna end anyways so... why not?" That... hmmm. Well, "Guess gonna suck no matter when it ends, huh?" As Idia had really liked this. All of this. From finding Cinder, to getting to understand it was Cater, to their gaming... to their date.

Then... "Sure. Sure. Donno, ah, how good I'll be at... this all, but... sure." A huff out again, "Not the most enthusiastic answer, sorry." Shouldn't be getting a boyfriend be more cheerful than this?

Cater shrugs. "Maybe I'm just that stubborn. When someone runs away from me, I just wanna chase them down even more." But then, a bit more seriously, he says, "or maybe there's a part of me that kind of...got it. Why you ran, I mean. But I just...I didn't have a chance to show you until now. Or...well, until Cinder."

He takes a breath, still uncertain. Still scared. "Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's kind of what I do--why I take so many pictures for Magicam. If I take a snapshot of a moment, I'll always be able to keep it." Another breath, hands holding Idia even more tightly, and he squeezes his eyes shut. "I'm already past the point where I'm going to feel awful when this year's over...so...yeah, fuck it. If it's going to hurt no matter what, I wanna live it up with you."

"Ah..." A pause. "...that first one makes you sound like Floyd. Or Rook. Rather the other... even if more depressing... I think." Not that it's a good choice either. Whatever. It had resulted in this so, "Guess can't complain now... with what it resulted in..."

Feeling that squeeze, seeing that tension in Cater's form, Idia questions himself before doing it but... leans his head down to rest his forehead against Cater's head. Frowning to himself at just... how similar this feels. But also really different. Idia chose not to record stuff. The idea of looking back on the outside world... the idea of that hurts. To be able to see it but not be part of it. But... maybe he's been doing it wrong the entire time. Would it hurt less to do stuff despite knowing he would have to give it up? He's not sure.

"So... ah, guess this makes us... officially boyfriends then?" A brief, if little dark, laugh. "Real fucked up ones but... still..." Returning that squeeze of Cater's fingers. "At least both get it?" To forget reality and live in distractions. For however long it lasted.

Cater lets out a puff of a laugh similar to the one that Idia had made, accepting it when Idia leans in, shaking his hands out of the larger ones just so he can reach around and pull Idia closer by the waist, instead.

"Official, third-year NRC boyfriends," he agrees. Emotions are complicated. He knows he hasn't let it all out and neither has Idia--it's too much for right now. But they've revealed enough, and now Cater's ready to switch gears and lose himself in his preferred method of escapism. "Now kiss me, otaku, before I do it for you."

Oh, oh... oh, no... this is ok. Idia going still as Cater wraps his arms around him but... relaxing again as Cater settles against him. He's... going to have to get used to this, isn't he? Be patient with him, Cater! He'll get there!

Then spluttering at that demand. "WTF? Ughhh!" A sigh as Idia leans back so he can look at Cater, but not far enough to break that hug. "I'm gonna have to get used to you like this... aren't I?" How can he just drop lines like that?! Even now? Ehhhhh!

But... no, no, this is... this is part of it and... Idia had liked those kisses earlier in the day. And Cater had helped him through with those, so... he can do the same. Hand coming up to Cater's cheek, softly resting against it as he ducks his head down to Cater's. Hesitation, for a moment, before brushing his lips against Cater's, mind racing to question if he is doing this right, if Cater likes it, if it was ok. But... he'll try! He will!

Despite still looking exhausted, red-eyed and tired and messy haired, Cater manages a cheeky, lopsided grin when Idia gives his exasperated observation. "Ooooh yeah. Things are gonna get wild and wacky with me," he promises threateningly.

And then Idia's hand touches his face. Instinctively, he presses into it, eyes half-lidding. His palm is cool on his flushed cheek and he watches Idia with a mix of patience and anticipation. For all his teasing, the sweet, nervous softness is like a soothing balm on his aching heart.

Like earlier in the day, the kiss blows away his worries. The fear that it's all too much, that they'll regret it...as soon as he feels those lips on his, Cater lets out a sigh that seems to exorcise his demons all at once. It's such an uncertain kiss, and there's really nothing elegant about it, but the fact that Idia gave it to him is just what he needed. His stomach explodes with butterflies and he reciprocates right away, chasing that kiss with another, much more steady one.

Honestly... it's kind of cute. Not the reason Cater looked a mess, but the fact even while looking like that a smile fully transformed his face. Not that Cay-Cay smile, but a real one, those ones Idia had been seeing throughout the day.

And those worries? Yeah, instantly gone as Cater kisses him back. Like earlier. The world just going blank around them. Idia lifting his other hand to cup the other side of Cater's face, holding him there as Idia's touch became more confident. Those kisses earlier today had been Cater's doing, he had initiated them. Well, other than that failed joke they tried to pull on each other... but now... Idia can see how much fun it could be the other way around. To try and catch Cater off guard with them. Or... like this, and totally switching the mood away from something horrible. A distraction. What the both wanted.

Now that they'd put the big "official" label on what they were doing, Cater wasn't going to shy away from showing Idia just how much of a distraction he could make this for the both of them. Not right now, of course, not tonight--even with all this newfound, halfway manic energy running through him they're both still exhausted.

But that doesn't mean he can't get a little spicy. Cater pulls Idia even closer, arcing in to the curved slouch of the other boy's body as his arms scour up Idia's back. He kisses him a little harder, wanting but still questioning, not intending to push things too far too fast.

They're here, they're alone, and Cater was going to make good on his attention to throw caution to the wind.

"Ngh!" Came from somewhere deep in Idia's throat as Cater tugged him tighter, eyes popping open for a moment in surprise and his face heating up as it and his hair blushed again, that sudden flashback to back in the photo booth and...

No camera or security to stop them here. Idia only blushing even deeper at that thought, it reflected in his hair changing more pink as he tensed in Cater's arms. Ugh! This is a slippery slope! Clearly not something to consider tonight... but now Idia can't stop his brain taking off ahead of him.

Nope, nope, needs a moment! Pulling away and a hand going over Cater's mouth in panic. "Wait! Wait!" Eyes squeezed shut, that pink very evident now that he's pulled away, trying to get his thoughts under control.

He doesn't want to stop, the heat coming off of Idia so encouraging, the noise he made unbearably cute...but the tension of his body does give him the hint to back off, and he's already starting to do so when Idia completely cuts off their kiss. His eyes widen in surprise, face flushed, and he lets out a graceless squawk when the hand is flopped over him.

This would probably be a decent point to, well, be normal...but Cater can't help himself. His tongue pokes out against Idia's palm to lick his way to freedom. There's definitely a mischievous look in those bright green eyes of his. Assuming Idia frees his mouth, Cater will lick his lips before asking, "wait for what?"

Although he asks it with a playfulness, he doesn't try and push in for more.

"Eeh!" Hey! "Hey!" Not fair! "Stop it!" That is not helping his thoughts right now, Cater!

"Just, just, give me a moment!" Ugh, he's so embarrassed again! That same hand coming up to cover his own face, then realizing it's the hand Cater licked and, "OMG you're impossible!" What has he gotten himself into?!

No, no, try and use words. Words have been working so far... tough but... yeah, "I, just, ah, thought back to, ah, today. Earlier. At the, ah... arcade..." Did he have to say more? Really? Maybe...? "And, ah... well... ah..." Ughhhh! "How nothing interrupting now..." Well done, Idia, you got it out.

"Well... other than me, I guess..."

Cater can't help himself--he laughs, a soft and cheerful giggle that makes him not seem so tired anymore. It really is so easy to forget his fear when they're like this, just fooling around and enjoying each other. But, ah, speaking of fooling around...that's not something he can just assume that Idia's going to want, well, at all. Just because he plays eroge doesn't mean that he's actively interested at all.

So, for the sake of being as open and honest as he has been tonight, Cater decides to say what's on his mind plainly:

"I want you, Idia."

That. Was. So. Hot.

How the hell does Cater pull this off?! After all of this! Able to let out a line like that, while looking at Idia like that. It's so not fair! Why was Cater with a total blabbering fool like him?! Idia couldn't pull that off in a million years!

Idia slapping his other hand up over his mouth, eyes squeezed shut as he lets out a wail behind them. "Stop it! I can't even bluff this! It's not fair!" Yup, that pink hair was a plain give away for how Idia is feeling on this all. With Cater holding him like this, and that soft laugh of his, and those smooth lines. It's so not fair!

That cheeky grin widens, his arms moving down from Idia's back to his waist again. He runs his hands there in easy circles, fingertips playing with the bottom of his shirt. "Don't bluff--just be honest with me!"

So, Idia's embarrassed, flustered--that much is clear enough between his overall reaction and his hair's changing color. But he wants to hear Idia say how he's feeling; if they're going to go all the way with this relationship, that kind of communication is important.

"I won't try anything with you that you aren't ready for. But I mean what I said." Leaning in a little, he whispers, "and knowing nobody's going to interrupt us might have me a little excited."

O

M

G

"I-I-I didn't mean it seriously, ah, the bluffing, just... I donno... don't always wanna be flustered..." Idia's not cool. He knows this. But he'd like to try? Maybe? Ehhh, it's only been a day, not even that! Yet this is so tough already.

And Idia starts to relax as Cater says this, about not wanting to push him, not that Idia's really had time to seriously think about that all yet. "...I, I mean, we only really... started this so... gotta work through things." But then completely derailed again with that! "Don't sandwich those two things together!" CATER!

But... Idia admitting quietly, "... me too." A moment to breath, allowing his hands to drop finally to sit lightly either side of Cater's neck. "Just... I donno. It's," A sighed laugh, "It's been a day." A lot has happened today.

Another breath as he looks down to Cater, thumbs reaching up to softly brush against Cater's jaw. "We got time, right? Like... I mean, still need to, like, chat about details, I think. But... I-" Eehh... "I wanna, I think, I wanna try out stuff... sometime..."

Cater gives another playful laugh as Idia all but squeals at his admission, but then nods, leaning back without going anywhere so he can smile up at Idia's now-uncovered face. He looks more gentle now, that sly edge having melted off as he enjoys the feeling of Idia's long fingers resting against his neck, brushing his jaw. He closes his eyes for a second, savoring the light petting like a cat getting the exact kind of attention its after.

"I know, I know...I'm too tired to do more than this, too, really, I promise." Taking a deep breath, he lets out a contented sigh. "But I'm glad. It's something for both of us to look forward to."

Oh... that's nice, Idia's expression soften as well, a slight smile. "Yeah, yeah."

Hmm, though, "So, ah, you wanna stay here for a bit? Until you feel better? I would try and sneak you into my room but... still seems a lot for, like, first date." A pause. "That's clearly second date material." Smile ticking up a bit more to show he's joking... unless...

"Hmmm, I got games on my computer? Or, ah, I guess..." Ehhh. "We could keep going? But... donno if right mood?" None of his romance visual novels has prepared him for this!

At first, Cater nods--definitely not ready to go back to his room yet. Right now, he's feeling good, but he has a feeling that it'll crash again if he doesn't let himself settle for a bit longer. And besides that...he'd like to keep wearing Idia's hoodie; he knows he'll have to give it up before morning.

"It's technically a different day, so we can definitely have an impromptu second date." Then, as Idia makes his suggestion, Cater smiles even wider. "How about...we play some games and cuddle and see where things go?"

Gaming is a good distraction, too, and if they use controllers they can definitely get into a snuggled position while playing.

A 'pfttt' from Idia but... "Yeah, I like that idea." Fingers curling against Cater's neck as he fidgets for a bit, clearly wanting to say something but struggling to. Then making himself, "I, ah, always seen, like, you know, cute gamer couples that like do that... always wanted to try just... ya know..." He's a loser no one would want to date. Or more the fact Idia never considered it an option for him.

Until now.

"Ah, hmm," A look around for a good spot then, "There?" Not like any spot is more comfortable than the other really here, so one is good as another. It does mean they have to let go of each other but... well... cuddling, right? Idia slowly drawing his hands back off Cater, then realizing that means he can reach for Cater's hand again this way, taking it in his and pulling Cater along with him to a spot. Seating himself down first on the ground, back to the wall, Idia leaves it up to Cater how he wants to sit with him.

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