flameinthedarkness

Oh. Oh. That's, ah, oh, that's real different. Anything Cater is saying not being taken in as he squeezes Idia like that, eyes widening a little at feeling just so... surrounded. It really is pushing his personal space on all sides and... it's not bad? Idia's hand instinctively going up to his mouth as his other arm hugged himself. WTF? WTF is this?

It's different to how they had been before, with those kisses. Cater had been in front of him during those. Yet how did this feel so much more... out of his control. Not in a bad way, but just... feels so totally like Cater could just move him around however like this.

"Mmhmm." Idia lets out, trying to at least seem like he's listening and being part of this, trying not to show how much this is distracting him.

Generally speaking, Cater's good at picking up other peoples' cues. Reading the room is necessary when you constantly adjust your own personality to fit any given mood. Feeling the way he is, though, and with how up-and-down unpredictable the day's been, this time he doesn't quite keep up.

The squeeze naturally comes to an end, Cater settling back into that loose hold, and he keeps chattering about how much fun the plan is. He tosses out a couple more basic ideas for making it all work before realizing, "...oh, hey, you got kinda quiet. Vibe check--doing okay?"

For once, he isn't teasing.

Ah, "I'm good! I'm good!" Yup, keeping those thoughts to himself, even if they may be readable on his face right now, Idia turning his face away a little and using his hood to act as a barrier. The fact Cater had asked, after what had happened at the bus stop. "I'm... I'm ok, really." Get it together. A moment later and Idia's making himself sit back again, trying to relax.

"Um," Cater had been talking during that... right? "We can, ah, do details over text, or something."

"Alright, sounds good," Cater agrees, peering at Idia with idle curiosity. Is he really okay? Well, he doesn't seem so down in the way that he did before they got on the bus, so Idia probably isn't downplaying something. Convincing himself there's no reason to worry, Cater leans back against his seat, facing forward and giving the Ignihyde housewarden at least that much personal space.

The ride back feels so much shorter than the ride into town. The stop outside the gates to the school are soon within view and Cater groans as he finally frees Idia from his casual embrace, stretching out again in anticipation for the bus coming to a full stop. Just like before, he waits until everyone else has gotten off before standing and sliding out into the walkway.

Although he waits for Idia, he doesn't reach for his hand this time. From here forward, even though they have a minute of walking before they reach the gates, it's all up to the taller boy what they do.

And they were back and... reality comes crashing back down. Though Idia's used to it in a way. And yet, looking over to see Cater still there... ok, maybe this reality isn't too bad right now.

Idia doesn't reach for Cater's hand as they get off the bus, his gaze down at his feet as he tries to figure out this next part. Of what to do. And what he wants. In a way he wants to reach for him. Today had been good. Bad too. But mostly good. And he wants that to continue.

But also, "Cater." Reaching to hold Cater's sleeve between his fingers once they were away from the bus and others filtered off to where they were going. To stop him for a moment. "I, ah... I want that talk first. Before anything else here." Idia still not looking in Cater's direction as he speaks, needing it off to the side or down to get through this. "It's not... it's not no to nothing else in future, but... just in case it is. For both of us. For others to assume only for... nothing later." Not saying it will be nothing later just... just in case.

Despite his best efforts, Cater can feel his nerves starting to rattle as he walks off the bus and hops onto solid ground. When Idia stops him, it's all he can do to keep himself quiet--patient as he listens. He guesses he's expecting Idia to say that this was all a bad idea, that he just got swept into the energy of the day and...well, they could just be friends.

Idia himself had seemed to want to put off the "so what are we, exactly" talk until later, so that it's coming now doesn't exactly bode well.

What he says isn't that bad, though. Not that bad. He nods slowly, letting it all sink in. "So, just keep it to ourselves while we feel this whole thing out?"

When Cater puts it like that...

Idia lets out a huff, "I'm not meaning it like, you know, going to avoid you for like a week or so. I'd... rather deal with it sooner than later..." So he can... deal with it? The fallout of it? If it goes bad then... Idia had to make a plan to... cope. To get through this all. Even if saying it had been fun and it's fine if that's it... this would change things, wouldn't it?

"Was thinking more... see how wiped we are and... if we up for it tomorrow, then, ah... maybe then." Leaving a problem without a solution? Yeah, Idia doesn't like that. And this was a problem that needs an answer.

"Guess it's a good thing we don't have classes tomorrow. Yeah, I can do that." He's not going to get any sleep tonight, he's sure. Anxiety is going to keep him up, wondering where they both end up when they talk tomorrow. Hopefully he'll have enough energy to put up a split card for awhile and keep people off his tail. Regardless of his energy, he knows he doesn't want to put a pin in this for very long. "We'll text updates on our recharge levels?"

"Yeah, yeah." And while Idia knows he has to let go of Cater's sleeve... he doesn't want to. Lingering there several moments. Before forcing himself to let go. To step away to the side.

He's so confused.

"Ah, let me know a good spot to do this, ok?" Since Cater has better ideas on that than Idia.

When Idia's fingers uncoil from his sleeve, Cater can't help a feeling of disappointment from creeping in. It's not like he actually expected they'd be holding hands all the way to the hall of mirrors or anything, but...

Well, maybe he was fantasizing, a little bit, even if he knew better.

"You got it!" Might as well start walking since they're going to the same place, anyway. Maybe it's a little awkward, suddenly walking side-by-side at a respectful distance when they've spent so much time that day doing the opposite. "At least we know we have the tower, but depending on what time it is I'll do a bit of scouting."

Unable to give a final note of teasing, though, he does toss out, "I could always come infiltrate your secret lair."

Idia instantly regrets it. But forces himself not to go back on that. It wouldn't be fair, to have said one thing then act opposite it. Instead shoving his hands into his pockets, forcing himself not to reach out again as they walked.

"I can always check on cameras to see if anyone is heading there. Or any other spots, really. Or have Ortho do life sign scans of different spots." Yup, the Shrouds had a lot of access to the school systems... not that they needed it.

"Pfft, I would say I got the best security system, but he would just invite you in." Ortho has been very happy about Idia making a friend.

If it wasn't so useful, Cater would be kind of unsettled by just how much power the Shroud duo had over the school. They could really do a lot of damage, if they wanted...Crowley better stay on their good side. Actually, that's probably why he's allowed to skip out on so many classes, now that thinks of it.

"Ha! Shouldn't have told me that. I'll conspire with him to never let you know true peace again." He's kidding, of course, if the devilish grin wasn't enough to cement that--he'd be miserable himself if he never had the chance for real privacy. "JK, JK. It's only fair I grind to earn all your secrets."

Yes, he chose his words very carefully.

"Yeah, really gotta get that rep up with the 'shut in otaku' faction." Ok, Idia can do this. This kind of joking... And maybe missing Cater's very specific words. No doubt he will pick it up more and more as they go on. And have to learn to deal with it.

"Gotta slide into more of your dorm's DMs. I know some of them follow me on Magicam." It's just, you know, actually start conversations in person is pretty much impossible when it comes to Ignihyde students. And with how loud of an overall reputation he's made for himself, it's not like he can just ask Idia to put in a good word for him. "Maybe I'll start uploading more memes."

Ah...they're already at the Hall of Mirrors. How did that happen so fast? Cater's heart sinks as he looks toward Heartslabyul. He can't believe he's already kind of missing Idia when the guy is standing right next to him. He can't believe he already feels so tired at the prospect of being back in his own dorm.

"Guess this is TTYL?"

"Pfft, omg, maybe I need to follow you too if you start doing that. See what you put up." Most of the stuff Cater puts up Idia doesn't have interest in. Or... didn't at least. Maybe he'll browse through Cater's stuff sometime...

And... yeah, it both took too long and was too fast to get to the mirrors, Idia hesitating before parting ways, considering something but... there was a lot of other students milling through the area. Yeah, not happening today. Not until they talked things through.

"Ah, yeah, yeah, I guess so..." ...why does he not want to go? But... a sigh out as he glances to Cater. "Ah, yeah. Let me, ah, let me know about... stuff, ok?" A moment of pause, hand actually coming out of his pocket as if to reach for Cater again... but drawing it back to his side as he forces himself to turn away and head towards Ignihyde. So very confused still...

Cater nods in agreement, sighing once to himself. If he sees Idia reach for him and think better of it, he doesn't show it, running his free hand through his hair as if to steady himself for the final time. "KK! Seeya!"

The smile that lights up his face after he says goodbye isn't like the ones that he could hardly keep off during their date. This one feels is practiced, plastic, and doesn't reach his eyes--eyes that seem so much more tired, now, as he spins on his heel and heads through the Heartslabyul portal.

As expected, the dorm is alight with activity. It's closing in on dinner, so the kitchen is bustling, particularly with the students who are trying to get Trey to cook something (who doesn't love the guy's cooking?). Cater ducks in to put the pastry in the fridge--it seems Riddle's studying and Cater isn't about to stick around long enough for Trey to read him--before darting up to his dorm.

Cater lets out a breath of relief once he's inside, hardly getting his shoes off before he flops across his bed, grabbing one of his cutesy pillows and pressing it into his face. Finally, the question he's been suppressing all day hits him full force. His impulsivity and adrenaline can't keep him ahead of it, now.

What the fuck do I think I'm doing?

Edited 2023-03-07 22:37 (UTC)

Ignihyde was busy too. Maybe even more so than other dorms since the students of it rarely left the dorm; milling around at random, some set up with gaming sessions or working on projects together. All stuff Idia passes by on his way to his room, waving off any who try and stop him with a halfhearted 'later' back. He does glance around to try and spy Ortho anywhere, not really wanting to face his brother either just yet as Idia slips into his room.

Shoes off, coat off, and just... face planting into his bed, face going down into his pillow and...

Feeling so lost.

What had this all been? The events of the day finally catching up and racing through his head, pulling each one apart and dissecting it, trying to work out and place it in some sort of order to be able to process it all. But... it's so much. And being in bed... it's really catching up to him, all the exhaustion from those mix of emotions. It's just so, so much.

But... even for all the downs today... they seem lighter thanks to all the highs. Oh, he's super embarrassed by them, how much he freaked out and showed that side off to Cater. But the fact Cater took it so well... Idia feels bad about putting that all on him. A sigh into his pillow and instinctively reaching for his screen overhead to text-

...what is he doing already?! They just parted and he wants to talk to Cater again already?! Ughhhh. Idia's not prepared for this. At all. Has no clue how to process this. Rolling himself over to his back he presses his hands to his face. No... no. Stop drowning, stop struggling, deal with it how he knows to deal with stuff; a plan. And the main problem he needs a plan for right now is... what are they? What did he want out of this and... how much to show it.

It's something Idia will work on, typing up ideas as they come to him, headphones crammed over his ears to drown out the world, even waving Ortho off once he comes back to their room. Who... takes it ok, yet Idia feels bad about it and takes a break for awhile for them to share those gifts he and Cater got for Ortho, mention that... he has some things to work through, and while Ortho offers to help, Idia says he has to work it out... but thanks him.

And for once... Idia actually gets to bed at a reasonable time. Mostly because he's exhausted. No doubt will wake up during the night since he can never sleep too long but... sleeping for now.

A complicated relationship with sleep comes with the territory of having an unwell mind, but most days Cater manages without too much trouble. It helps that he burns his candle at both ends day in and day out, trying to please everyone, trying to maintain an image of a person that doesn't exist.

Maybe it's because today was so genuinely nice that sleep doesn't come. Stress upon stress is piling in unstable stacks like a game tower made out of wooden blocks in a way that only happens on particularly bad days...but it's still different from what he's used to in that regard. Cater can't stop himself from thinking of all the times Idia made him laugh. He can't get the image of out of his head of the taller boy startled, breathless, glowing hair tinted pink as he presses their bodies together. He can still feel the gentle brush of those thin blue lips, the way those long fingers felt between his own.

Agitated, he tosses and turns. A shower doesn't calm his nerves and he can't stomach eating anything else for the rest of the night. Cater shifts between pacing and trying to shut out his thoughts. He spends a lot of time feeling lost on his phone, but keeps drifting back to the pictures they took, and they make him smile--and that makes him want to throw up. He messed up, didn't he? He really broke his own rules with this one.

How can feeling so happy make him feel so terrible? Why is it always like this?

It feels like years have passed by the time it hits 2am and he knows that he's not going to be sleeping at all that night. He wonders if Idia's still awake--he wonders if he's having a panic attack, too. Knowing that it's stupid but finally reaching the brink of his self-control, Cater opens his DM with Idia.

can't stop thinking abt u
feel free 2 laugh

Idia's... actually asleep for once at 2am. He normally never is. Not that his body would let him sleep much longer, he's already falling into a 'dozing' pattern than full sleep as that text comes through, peeking an eye open and moving his screen to see it and...

Oh.

Rubbing at his eyes to fully wake himself up, Idia squints against the light from the screen as he reads it, then rereads it as his brain wakes up and...

i almsot text u as soon as i got back to my room. so u win? I guess? lasted longe rthan i did.

Yup, typos and all, Idia yawning as he sent that and stretching in his bed. Rereading it yet again and... taking in what Cater said, and feeling... gods he hates to be a stereotype with the whole 'butterflies in stomach' but... it really feels like that? Who would had thought. He would assume it was just some stupid trope but... wow... yeah.

Before adding,

glad u did tho. text me.

It's a palpable relief when Idia's response comes in. The typos do make him wonder if he did catch him at a bad time (sleeping), but his shaken psyche decides to cling to what he said at the end: that he was glad to hear from him. That he'd wanted to text, too.

didn't want 2 seem desperate or clingy or smth
just kind of miss ur voice
is that ok?

i mean if today is u clingy then it not bad

And sent... before Idia realizes what he sent and...

fuck

Then,

wahtever

A sigh as he lies back in bed, rubbing at his head as he looks at the screen, considering what Cater said.

gonna offer to VC but guess u really cant there at this hour huh?

yea
even on a weekend would def get my head chopped off for it

Thus is the life of a card soldier. Yeah, Riddle's been doing a lot better ever since he had his overblot, but that doesn't mean he's going to tolerate flagrant rule violations.

u ever use ur security camera privs to sneak out?

pfft who am i trying to avoid? myself? n the old dorm leader didn't care either. i go to Sam's sometime when i know hes there, to pick up newly released stuff

...this is a stupid idea. A stupid idea... but,

u wanna meet up? somewhere?

Ugh, he's being so stupid! This is just going to make things worse. But, like, even if he did need to step back...it's not like he could do that over text. That would be so shitty. So much easier to ghost people when they aren't, like, actively in the same class as you.

So, whatever he decides to do when he gets there, Cater says exactly what he's feeling.

I really do, yea
same place as b4? don't have much brainpower 4 planning but campus is obvs deserted rn

gimme a moment to check, k?

Also to clean himself up. Since Idia had just fallen into bed once he got back. Ugh! Up! Change, brush teeth, all that while he taps away on a screen, checking paths for them both, where everyone is, if anyone. Really only ghosts around at this time.

Eventually,

it look all good. u want me to grab snacks or... no stomach for it?

Idia texting away as he finally takes the time to move his gem back to his computer, throwing the pen somewhere into a drawer, rarely needing it as he gets his skull back into working order.

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