flameinthedarkness

At first, Cater winces...but it's nice to have Idia be straightforward about the way he feels. He can't promise that he won't still act like that in public, but at least now that Idia's seen shades of the "real" him, Cater can be more honest, himself.

Yea ik...it's rly draining to be on like that all the time.

Most days he wakes up and has to brace himself, practicing his smile in the mirror until he believes in it. Other times, he doesn't want to get out of bed at all. The idea of being the image people have of him is so exhausting it's miserable.

I won't be like that around you anymore when you come to class or when I see you around campus, k?

...

I get it, ok? If you suddenly not 'cay cay!' Kalim will like throw a fit and go on and on if somethings wrong or whatever. Or Riddle, or someone else. It's cool. I get it.

Then some hesitation before he types, not wanting to but... ehhh...

I mean... you got to see me OL vs IRL now so...

And Idia is much more cheerful online...

It's not really why. Well, it's not not why, but of course there's a much deeper reason behind that Cay-Cay persona. Cater's already dumped more than enough on him for one day, though, and it's not like Idia asked for him to go into the specifics of his intense behavior shifts so...he'll leave it at that. Just like Idia said: he gets it.

Good enough. They're even.

Easier to be open with ppl that you'll never really know. Doesn't matter so much what you say.

Cater pauses as well before somewhat hesitantly adding:

I like how you are both ways tbh. Still both feel like you.

Unlike Cater, who deliberately tries to be a different person than who he actually is, Idia and Gloomurai both feel more like the same person in and out of their comfort zone.

Yeah, this like... so much. So, so much. A good thing Idia doesn't sleep until he's ready to physically collapse and too tired to think otherwise he would be up too late thinking about this all. And freaking out. Then calming down and rationalizing it. Then freaking out again. Remembering everything he said that he never would otherwise.

It'll happen, just later.

No consequences, huh? and if there are, you can just leave.

Which... they don't have now, do they? Hmm... Idia's not sure how he feels about that...

Oh Cater, you have no clue, you really don't. But... Idia has no intentions on ever telling him that, even after this all. Especially after this all. For... however long this will last. Hell, if it's over by the end of the year then... well... so be it. They will have to see.

...anyway.

Guess the whole curfew thing makes sense now.

Yeah, Cater's happy to take that out. Things were teetering too close to more emotional revelations that he'd rather not reveal (or pry into for that matter).

Yeaaahhhh. Early to bed early to rise.
TBH it wasn't as bad before Riddle enrolled and took over. Heartslabyul was still all rule-oriented but you could get away with soooo much more.
I still sneak out sometimes; it's way easier to get away with. But if I started making a bunch of noise in my room after a certain hour??? Yeah, I wouldn't hear the end of it. LOL Headwarden busting into my stream to chew me out, that would've been a way for you to figure out who I was.

Yeah, ive seen your rule book before. It's a lot.
Sucks to be you.

Pfftt, yeah, would had freaked if heard Riddle on it.
You really should soundproof your room, but donno how you would do it without others noticing.

Ok, yes, this, Idia can work easier with this; problem solving.

Problem solving doesn't need emotions, it's just finding the issue, figuring out a path to a result, and doing the actions to get to it.

that or you need to go full rule lawyer on Riddle and find all the loopholes in them and use those to your advantage

Thought about it but doesn't seem worth the trouble.

Okay, mostly? He can't afford it. Soundproofing doesn't look all that expensive until you try and buy enough of it to coat your entire dorm room. He could probably use magic to conceal it but with Riddle in charge, he'd definitely notice. Besides, it's not like anyone minds him singing as long as it's before curfew. They all know that he's in the music club, after all, and it's not like there aren't others in the dorm that play video games in their spare time.

It feels weird saying that money's holding him back, though. Like, he doesn't want Idia to think that he's trying to hint at something. Even before he knew Gloomurai's true identity, he respected him way more than as a top donor.

What, trying to get me to stay up all night streaming? ;)

All im saying is Ignihyde don't have a curfew. I don't care how long they stay up, their fault if they cant deal with it the next day.

Idia was pretty hands off with rules for the dorm, but that's because he expects his dorm students to actually think and figure out problems. He'll help them if they get stuck on study stuff and builds, but for everyday life stuff, it was their choices. As long as they don't insult the dorm by not giving it their all. They were diligence, and if someone fell short of that then they got punished. Outside of that, they can do whatever, but Idia won't help them clean up their messes.

They dug their grave? They had to lay in it.

brb starting my transfer paperwork

The "JK" goes without saying, so Cater doesn't include it. As much as Cater is a fan of night life, he does appreciate the general standard of good physical health that their dorm fosters. It's not like they're as exercise-oriented as Savanaclaw or as nutrition-obsessed as Pomifore, but it could be worse. His grades would probably be worse if he was constantly up at night. Cater isn't sure he could really handle Ignihyde...

Well, it's not like he's particularly attached to Heartslabyul, either. He's not really sure why the Dark Mirror put him there. Didn't matter. They're 3/4 years down. Not much longer, now, before all of this disappears.

Sounds like you really crack the whip as Headwarden. As long as you aren't collaring everyone for drinking tea at the wrong time of day I'm not gonna judge LOL

yea yeah

Whatever.

stfu I know how others see me. The lazy dorm head. I don't care. It none of others business what Ignihyde does.

...why was he trying to defend himself to Cater? It didn't matter. Though... did it now? WTF. This is so strange. It's like venting to Cinder but... more. Since Cater knows details of NRC... it starting to hit Idia just... what this all is.

anyways I think gonna head off. I guess... chat with you later?

This is so awkward!

Shit. There he goes, putting his foot in his mouth again.

Sry, wasn't making a joke. I meant for real, for your dorm that's gotta be a tough love kind of policy that vibes pretty well with what you got going there.

Cater can't help feeling deflated. It's encouraging, of course, that Idia's suggesting this isn't the last time they're going to talk, but...man, what a night. He's exhausted, but he doesn't think he's going to be sleeping very well.

K TTYL Idia

Ehhh, he... he doesn't like seeing his name on that message. Or online in general.

Gloom.

Idia corrects him.

Then,

laters Cinder

Yeah... yeah, that's better.

Everything about this is...weird. Cater tosses and turns all night, feeling uncertain about his feelings, feeling self-conscious about himself. And yet, true to his word, he acts like nothing's changed. In class, even when Idia shows up, Cater's as cheerful as ever. The only notable difference is that instead of chasing him down in person, he says hi through text.

As Cinder, his streams are normal, no mention of any kind of change in his relationship with Gloomurai. If he seems a little more stressed from time to time? Well, school's tests are ramping up, that's all. It becomes more commonplace for him to message Idia after the ending of his streams while he gets ready for bed, reflecting on certain moments or giving him updates about his progress in gaming.

Trey gives him this look sometimes, like he knows that Cater's had something on his mind, but neither of them push it. So, maybe in the rare instances that Idia's physically in class, Cater's eyes might drift over toward him, but who's really paying attention? So, maybe sometimes he's chatting with Lilia and Kalim during their club meetings and thinking about how he could play another Premo song for Idia, if he were there. It's not like it means anything.

He just wishes he knew what to call this. Is it even a friendship? Or is Idia just appeasing him?

That first night had... left Idia awake even late for him, though at least it was a change of reason why he can't sleep, tossing and turning and... just trying to process it all. Luckily Ortho was in sleep mode at night, but he certainly recognized that his brother had not slept well, or at all, the next day. Told off for playing games too later. Though... easily noticing something was going on in those days to come, even if he didn't have access to reading Idia's brainwaves.

Idia had started out a little quieter in their chats and on streams for awhile, but it started to melt away back to how Cinder and Gloom were before, it easy to fall back into the 'before times', but still with a moment of 'wtf' coming to mind as they were able to chat about stuff related to school. The times Idia is forced into class he will try and keep his head down, but his own glances Cater's way, and if he catches that look back with quickly bury his head back in his work again. This is all so new and strange and confusing. He's never really had contact with others like this before. Azul was the closest, but not like this. And now and then Idia may glance in at the open door of the Light Music Club as he passes by it for the Board Game Club, or linger a step long enough to hear if Cater is singing.

However as he did get comfortable again online with Cinder, Idia decides that... yeah, no, he should do something. Cater had been really good on letting Idia set a pace and... is... is this what, well... not friends, he thinks? No, Idia doesn't do friends. What were they? Shared interests? He doesn't know, but...

At seemingly random Cinder gets a IM sent his way,

Gonna be needing library tomorrow after classes. Wanna hang?

Was that ok? Was that ok?! He doesn't know!

It's frustrating feeling stuck in a situation where nothing quite feels right...but at the same time, they're at least settling into a pace that doesn't feel too stressful. As Gloomurai, Idia's been seeming more comfortable. But as himself? Well, Cater kind of wishes they could talk more in person, even if it wouldn't be that often.

Even if Cater's not as much of an extrovert as he lets on, he's still more used to socializing in person over online. Sometimes, he thinks it would be nice to be able to say "Idia" instead of "Gloom".

So it's a total shock when Idia messages him; he's kind of learned to expect being the one to initiate most of their conversations. And then reading it is an even bigger shocker. He has to remind himself not to be too eager.

Yea that would be cool :)
Want me to bring any snacks?

...not supposed to have food in the library, and despite Idia's comments about how he ran Ignihyde, Idia did believe in following rules. Just updating them as needed. But would it look bad if he says no? Eeehhh! He doesn't know!

Hmmm, lets try this,

Maybe for afterwards?

Don't think he's lame, Cater, plz.

Wait, why does he care if Cater does or not?

He really doesn't know!

Sounds good! We can treat ourselves for being responsible students lol
Anything specific ur working on?

Might as well try and get a conversation out of him, he figures...but if Idia seems reluctant, he figures he'll just pull back and see him in the library when the time comes.

Thank you for playing along, Cater! Idia was worried for a moment he was being weird. Especially after how Cater talks about Riddle being strict. Idia may not have a lot of rules for the dorm, but the ones he has he sticks to. And preservation of information was one of them, even if it includes outdated formats like books.

kk sounds good

Plus post study snacks were good. Better than during, so not to get snack dust on book pages.

some of the 1st years are struggling on their casting for physical practice, I wanna look up some ideas for making a VR simulator for them to try and figure out their own styles but I need to look up different casting types historically.

Not everyone could just cast with a single wave of a finger like Idia did, though he developed that himself to, well, not waste time. Less movement for the same effect. Why wouldn't he?

whaaaaaat that sounds like it would be fun
if I finish my homework fast I'll help u research!

Cater wants to offer more help, but stops himself before he gets carried away. This amount of interest might already get rejected, and beyond that, he knows that Ignihyde dorm all in all would be pretty unreceptive to any help he could provide. Hoping that it takes some of the eagerness out of the sentiment, Cater adds:

If you're looking for material that covers a wide range of time periods, my UM can pull a lot of citations at once from around the library.

www if you did original songs maybe commission you for the soundtrack XD

on second thought, no, don't need them to get sus over similar voice

That would not be good...

Thx but it's fine, im not planning to go super in depth on it, just get the basics. They gotta figure out their own style after all. It a guide, not for them to copy.

Oh, well... should... should he take the offer? Since, well, Cater was offering? Hmmm...

Can see what I can find, maybe if not enough info

When his offer to help isn't outright rejected, Cater can't help a smile from sparking on his face. It's not like Idia's being at all enthusiastic or anything, but compared to outright rejection? He'll take it.

👌 u got it

Still seeking some kind of connection, though, another idea hits him.

o speaking of music do you have wireless earbuds or smth? Maybe we could share a playlist or w/e while we study

oh yeah, I got some around here somewhere. For when I cant get away with my headphones.

His hair covers his ears after all, no one noticed when he had earbuds in.

You got one you wanna listen to?

Now this was easy to chat with Cater about, music was a good branching interest to them. They were able to offer different sides of it to the other, not always a hit, but still good to learn and enjoy new ones.

Nothing specific--I'm happy to listen to w/e you like. :)
Still working on upping my cred so I'm not such a big normie lol

Idia's the one who has a specific project to study on, so Cater doesn't want his own music choices to disrupt any kind of flow.

But I might suggest a song or two if something inspires me?
MC Cinder taking over the broadcast!

Pfft, you're such a fucking dork, Cater, Idia making that sound between his teeth as he shakes his head.

You got so long to go before you lose that title.

Sounds good. I haven't had a chance to look up new stuff of late so if you know anything new, cool.

If only Cater was able to witness the reaction to his dorkiness firsthand...! Alas, he must content with smiling at the light ribbing, glad they've found a somewhat more casual dynamic than they'd ever had before.

so no chance that greeting you as a "fellow gamer" will boost my standing? LOL
KK, see you after class! Same table?

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