flameinthedarkness

About ten minutes before the scheduled start of the stream and the channel goes live with the "STARTING SOON!" screen. As Cater double-checks his equipment (it's gotten a few upgrades thanks to donations, but all in all it's a pretty meager setup thanks to his dorm limitations), he can't help watching the chatroom, where his eyes go almost directly to the Gloomurai username and its VIP sticker. Yeah, he hasn't been able to stop fixating on this revelation, and doesn't like the way he now has to feel a bit more "on" for his audience than usual.

Being any kind of public figure, even one like this that has a relatively small following with an unknown real life identity, comes with having to hide a certain amount of himself, of course. It's not like he's going to go around broadcasting all of his issues. Normally, though, it's a nice way to talk more casually--he doesn't have to be over-the-top chipper or silly as Cinder Suit. This isn't going to be nearly as much of an escape for him if he's being more self-conscious of his behavior.

So as his alarm signals the official beginning of the stream, Cater takes a breath. Don't worry about it, he tells himself. Clearly Idia doesn't recognize your voice, so it's fine. He switches the stream settings, greeting the audience with his digital model and running through the plan for the day. Chatting and catching up, some online party games, plenty of music. Overall, it's a low-key stream with fun vibes. Someone does point out early on that Cinder seems a little distracted and he explains he just had a bit of an off day--but that being here is helping him take his mind off of things.

Due to Heartslabyul's (Riddle's) strict curfew, his streams always have to end around the same time, but it isn't uncommon for his username to pop up afterward in other streams as Cater browses with his phone from bed. This time, Cater's looking at the direct message history he has with Gloomurai--not like they've shared long, expensive conversations, but due to his fan's support, Cater had at least spoken with him on occasion in regards to music requests, tech advice, and of course expressing his gratitude. Messaging out of the blue is a little different for him, and Cater isn't even really sure what he's hoping to get out of it, but he finds he can't stop himself.

👋

Okay, so it's just an emoji. Cater doesn't know how else to start. Maybe Idia'll be too busy doing something else to respond, anyway.

Pre stream Idia's around in chat with those also waiting, chatting casually with a few, going along with some of the in-jokes for the chat, nothing too major, just some basic greetings as he's setting up his desk with what he's planning to work on during the stream. And as Cinder comes on he will join others in greeting him, saying it's good to see him and looking forward to the stream.

Which instantly derails any plans he had, having to get in on those games. But also not be too try-hard or hog the time, happy to change out for others to play as well. Between any games he gets in on and during the chatting and music he'll be working away quietly, popping up in chat now and then to 'www' over something or reply to others. Maybe even throwing out a few gifted memberships during high parts of the stream; during a game win by chat or at the end of a popular song. And when Cinder mentions his bad day, he does respond;

It all good, you're doing great!

As things wind down Idia will still be working away. Hell, his day doesn't really start until around 10PM, his desk covered in open books as he was going through ideas for both designs and papers he has for classes, a program rendering some stuff for his own blogging site about the MMORPG he plays, and a project generating processes to help with issues some in his dorm were having right now. While he knows most of the dorm leaders thinks he does nothing as a dorm leader, it's mostly just never leaves Ignihyde. His responsibility is to his dorm, not the others.

It's during a stretch and fresh energy drink break that he hears the message chime go off, surprised by it since it wasn't the normal one for Crimson Muscle, and they didn't have anything planned for tonight, so Idia is surprised to see who it is. Oh, Cinder.

(^_^)/ hey great stream tonight

In a way, it's nerve wracking now to see his message get a response. But in another, the casual response puts him more at ease. Yeah, Idia definitely doesn't know. So...it's fine, right? It's not like he did anything to hide from his classmate--Gloomurai found him totally on his own. Cater hadn't been really advertising his online persona, just kind of letting it develop as it would naturally.

thx :) I know I had a shaky start but I didn't want to let anyone down ;;;
I had a lot of fun playing games w/ you and the others

It really is easier to talk to people when they can't see your face. Smiling all the time is so exhausting.

It really is! Having a screen in between was always better, you could really let loose more without having to worry about how to act and had time to actually think how to answer rather than be forced into the moment to answer like irl. That was so tiring. And in a contrast to Cater, it allowed Idia to show a bit more joy than he normally did in person.

You picked up pace real fast, it was all good!
If some hater has issues thats their issue

Hey, it's the net, that was always an issue no matter how good you were.

Me too! Totes distracted me from work XDD I gotta catch up now

I'm not distracting you even more am I? Is it OK if I ask what you're working on?

He doesn't really feel like winding down--maybe this is a chance to actually get to know Idia for real, ask him some of the things that he generally doesn't get a chance to around campus. Cater wonders how private he'll be now when talking about himself instead of about Cinder's work or other stream-related things.

Nah, I was taking a break anyways

Idia's less concerned about sharing with people online in a way since... those contacts come and go, and no one really cares too much. Online friends up and vanish all the time. You enjoy the time with them, they leave, then you move on. It was much easier to disconnect with them than in personal relationships. Plus, lets face it, no one has any clue who he was online... as far as he's aware.

'Idia Shroud' didn't exist online. Gloomurai did.

Couple of papers gotta get done. I got a new build project I'm researching. Got some dorm members I'm helping stuff with. And rendering stuff for my blog. Gotta get it all done so I got tomorrow free for my raid.

It was still weird to be talking to someone whose content he consumes. Never suppose to get too close to creators, better to just admire from afar. Though Cinder seemed cool with how much he interacted with others. It was nice, but if he got too much bigger Idia would have to take a step back. He doesn't want to hog the attention. Let others enjoy it all too.

You chilling for the rest of the night? Gotta be late or super early or something for you.

Who knows what timezone Cinder was in after all.

Reading all that, Cater's eyebrows raise in surprise. He can really do all that in one night to make time for his gaming schedule? Guess that's an Ignihyde genius for you. Having that knowledge gives it all a bit more clarity, otherwise his head would be spinning.

You must be a big time multitasker--I have trouble doing more than one project at once lol

Well, unless he literally splits himself into multiple people, but he usually doesn't resort to using his unique magic to get schoolwork done. Usually.

Yea it's still p early for me but I'm in a rly strict household so I go to bed early and wake up early. Not tired yet tho so I thought maybe it would be nice to chat :)

Cater starts to type another question but stops. Is he being too pushy? For his own sake, he shouldn't try to get to know Idia too much further, fan or not. Gloomurai should just stay that awesome supporter who apparently has a lot of money to spend. But...it's not really a big deal, right? It's just curiosity.

cool if no but can I see your blog?

pfft lots of practice since I was a kid. I got bored easy, always had lots of stuff going on.

A bored Idia Shroud tends to just... create. Or hack. Gods, his childhood hacking days is so cringe now... he got into so much stuff he shouldn't had. Good thing he was never caught.

OMG I couldn't do that. I'm totally nocturnal. Early mornings are torture to me.

Huh... hmmm,

You good with that? Isn't it weird to chat to a fan? I mean, I'm good with it but... dont want it to be weird, yaknow?

It would be a shame to lose such a good music source, but... ehh, worse case Idia would move on if things got weird. He doubts him leaving would impact too much. Well, maybe a little, he has thrown a bit of money in Cinder's direction. Not that he felt he was owed anything, as honestly, what he spent really isn't that much compared to what he has access to. Plus it's fun to support smaller creators.

I mean, it's a gamer blog about in game fashion... but sure?

A link being added to that last message, the site itself modern and stylish but also themed to the game, showing a range of in game sets and special items and detailed information on how to get them. And quite a few comments too. It seems Gloomurai had his own circle he was very popular in.

Cater starts to write about how he gets that because of how often his family had to move around...but backtracks, deleting the message and starting over. Too much, he decides. Just asking more about Idia's interests is enough. He realizes that other than the obvious, what with all the gamer speak that Idia utilizes, he doesn't actually know the specifics about what his loner classmate is into.

I don't think it's weird. You've done a lot for me so I guess I think of you a bit differently, like someone I can come to for advice. Just lmk if I'm overstepping, K?

What is weird is knowing that he's telling the truth...while also knowing who he's talking to. If Idia realized who his real identity was, would he think that this was some kind of elaborate prank? The thought makes Cater frown, but he distracts himself from his own discomfort by checking out the blog.

this is p sweet Gloom! I like games but I usually only play on mobile. Is this one your fave?

That... did feel a little weird. A little. If this was IRL Idia would be freaking out. But over the net? Eh, less so. In a way he and Crimson Muscle has a similar relationship; Idia shared a lot with him more than he does with anyone irl. But they had also known each other a bit longer than Idia had been interacting with Cinder. Still,

It a bit weird, but yeah, it good. I'll let you know if so.

Why not? There was no real string attached here, and Idia had no intent on messing with Cinder if things went poorly. Provided Cinder didn't try to badmouth him. He would regret it if he did. Idia would be near impossible to track down online, but he doubted Cinder had the same security. In fact there is a moment of temptation to go hunting, hands moving to his keyboard to do so... then stopping himself. Nah, no need for that. Better just to enjoy this while it lasted.

TY. Yup, you have no idea how many hours I got in it XDD gotta make most of it while I can, wont be able to in a year or so. Mobile games are good too, easier to consume than MMORPGs. Those take so much time.

lol sorry

Seven, why does he feel so...awkward? Is it that it's Idia? Is it that he's realizing that honestly, who else would he ever ask anyone for any kind of advice from? Can't put that on anyone he knows in person, and online...well, he's kept those connections pretty shallow. Gloomurai's the only user that's ever really had more of a stake in him past what kind of felt like a fleeting interest.

you won't be able to keep playing games at all???? wtf why?

Huh. What's in a year or so? Graduation? But why would Idia have to stop playing a game he's invested this much time and energy into just because he's graduating?

...why was it so much easier to just let this out to a faceless being online? Idia's not an idiot, he knows there's a real person behind that model on stream, but the face was the animation they used, not the person controlling it. It would be so much harder to say it to a person who's face he knew. Or even to the model itself versus the text in front of him.

And... well, he wishes he could tell someone this all. To maybe prove he's not crazy for... all of it. But... he can't, even to a faceless being on the other side of the keyboard.

It takes awhile for him to answer... but eventually,

I gotta take over the family business. Will be too busy to dedicate the time to an MMORPG, at least at the level I play it now. And once you fall out of it and become casual it loses most of it's appeal.

There, that worked. It wasn't a lie, but it was a major understatement. Hell, even his fourth year will be an 'internship' back home. It would be pointless to go anywhere else since... it wasn't an option to Idia.

So making the most of it while I can.

There's a period where Cater wonders if he pressed too hard. He has to put his phone down while he waits for a notification, pulling his blankets up around him farther. Idia must be one of those people that has their whole life figured out--unlike him. Their internship year is looming ever closer and Cater still has absolutely no clue what he's doing or where he's going. Questions about it fill him with anxiety, and he generally just finds a way to avoid answering.

When the phone does chime, he's mostly expecting some sort of explanation on why he doesn't feel comfortable answering...so Cater's all the more surprised when he reads the text on the screen. He reads it a few more times, really taking the facts in, before figuring out what to say in response.

That's rough...it must be a crazy job if you're not going to have enough free time to dedicate to your hobbies.

There's an argument to be made about how "casual" gaming is just part of what being an adult means, but...that's not really what strikes home with Cater. It's just how hopeless the sentiment feels, like there's not really a point to any of it. Like such a big part of what makes him happy has such a short shelf life. He wishes he had something uplifting he could say but...he doesn't. In his own experience, what you personally want out of life rarely matters.

That's just the way the world is.

Is it hard to get started? I've never played an MMO.

You have no idea...

No one does. But that's the point of it. No one returns for the Island of Woe... or at least never remembers they do. And as much as Idia has accepted his role... the idea he will vanish from the world and be forgotten... somewhere deep down it still hurts. But he knows the consequences to go against fate. He's already paid too big a price for going against it before.

Slouching in his chair as he feels his mood drop, Idia fiddles with the pen he was using to draw with, lost in thought for a moment... then glad to see the conversation move on. Yeah, ok, right. Distraction. That's all he has to cope with this all. Distract himself from reality. This was all just a temporary dream as it was, he'll have to wake up from it soon enough.

Three years was too short.

A sigh as he shifted in his chair again, another mouthful of drink to get himself back into work mode as he types away.

Depends on the game. Good ones got good entry level options, but not all do. And some are for the 'hardcore' players. aka, assholes who wanna feel better than everyone else and rub it in people's faces.

Most older games can be an issue cause they gotta keep progressing for long time players so it makes it tough for newcomers to get into it without feeling overwhelmed. You really need someone to walk you through a game to really get the full feel of it. And if a game isn't engaging enough it can feel like a waste of time getting into it only to find it's boring or too repetitive.

It's a bittersweet feeling, moving onto an easier topic. Cater's not the kind of person who confides in others and as such generally keeps himself from being the kind of person to be confided to. It's uncomfortable--he knows he can't help. Still, it feels wrong, like he's purposefully turning a blind eye to something obviously troubling.

I want to try the one you blog about. It'll give us something to talk about. :)

Cay-Cay would just go right out and say they should play together, team up, etc. But Cinder knows how dedicated Idia is to this, and there's no way he can imagine being able to get anywhere remotely on his level to be so presumptuous. Just having a casual common ground might be nice, though, especially if this is his only chance to have that with the Shroud.

I won't ask you to hold my hand or anything lol

And here i was gonna offer to boost you and get you all sorts of gear and mats to help out www

In saying that,

It's worth just jumping in and enjoying it with fresh eyes rather than racing to top level. there's no point in playing a game like that, gotta enjoy the game itself, not trying to go full tryhard mode.

WWOOOOWWW lead with that next time! lol jk

Cater smiles to himself. It's actually a nice sentiment--he's curious to see if it's something he'll actually get into or not. Might be hard to find the time between all his other activities, maintaining his status as top social butterfly in NRC, but who knows. Cater likes trying out new things, especially when it's his own idea.

I'll set up my laptop to get things downloaded for when I'm free tomorrow and let you know how it goes (and try not to spoil myself too much on your blog in the meantime)

Edited 2022-12-18 06:17 (UTC)

ah I see how it is, just wanting $$$ off me www

Whether Idia's caught up in the joking of it all, or just not aware that may be taken as a negative thing, he doesn't seem to realize what implications may come from that. Really, money isn't an issue to him, just most don't know that. He really doesn't look like he's from money, not at first glance with how he dresses, but he does always has the latest tech and constantly using parts and materials to upgrade everything around him.

K. I'll be in game later tomorrow anyways, but that like 1am or so for raid timer rollover. You said you're on strict time so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ let me know when you set up a username and will add you.

In person, Cater would be able to play off such comments, joking or otherwise, with playful whining. It definitely hits a bit different with the way that Cinder and Gloomurai had so far established their relationship as idol and fan, so he's a bit more reserved when he responds, afraid to make things more awkward than he knows he already has with his overall pushing into Idia's personal life.

noooooo!!! ;;;;
okok I'll hit you up but nbd if we can't play together b/c of diff schedules :)
gonna go start the download and let you get to work
thanks for chatting with me

There's definitely a part of him that doesn't want to end the conversation there but...best not to push it.

k o/

Short and simple, about right for Idia. Plus what else is there to say? He also doesn't want to overstay the welcome either, just cause Cinder is happy to talk right now doesn't mean he can get too familiar with him. Idia's really not expecting much from it, but... it was fun.

And would continue to over time; still present in those streams as they went up, trade names in game, and maybe even a few items to help out but keeping to his word about allowing Cinder to enjoy the game at his own pace, but also helping out as needed. Over all... it's going really well. It has been fun! It's nice to have someone else to chat with online and not take stuff too seriously. Another good distraction from everything. He even gets to geek out and talk music with Cinder a bit, about other singers and bands, and of course once Idia got comfortable enough, gushing for his love of Premo.

But normal life did go on, and while Idia does try and spend most of those days inside his room, it's during one time out he finds himself being dragged to the Light Music Club by Lilia. Why is someone so small so strong!? Something about an amp or something electronic broken. Really, he's not getting much out of Lilia... and worried he or Kalim had touched it and made it worse. Sighhhh. Ok, fine, faster he gets it fixed, the better, trudging along to the club door behind the other third year. He can hear the other two inside, and music playing too, and singing, a pause as he recognizes the song and... the voice? Maybe? It's pretty similar but... he can't quite place it.

Not that he has much time to as Lilia barges into the door, a hand on Idia's arm dragging him along with him.

Even though their amp was malfunctioning, that wasn’t about to stop Cater and Kalim from jamming. As Kalim busted out a beat on the drums, Cater strung on his guitar and sang along, an upbeat sort of song good for high energy dancing. When he’s in the middle of a song it’s hard for him to pay much attention to the outside world, so even as Lilia bursts in with his typical roguish attitude Cater keeps singing.

Well, Kalim does end up throwing him off balance, eager to greet Idia, so the song does end up getting cut short. As he turns, there’s a look of surprise on his face and…something else? But Cater quickly puts on a big smile, waving.

“Hey, Idia! You got roped in to bail us out, huh?” He points his thumb toward the now unplugged amp on the floor. “It shorted out or something mid-song. We’re not really sure what the issue is.”

Any confusion Idia may had been showing on his face upon entering and spotting who was singing... only lasted a moment before it turned to panic at Kalim's joy aimed fully his way, trying to back away and put Lilia in between them. Godsdamnit this is why he didn't want to do this! Plus what was he getting out of this all?!

In a way he's glad for Cater getting this back on track, "Yeah, yeah... I guess..." Idia grumbles out, then... hmm, that questioning coming back again. It did sound super familiar. And it's not like he's around this club at all, unless its in passing to his own. They were both Culture Clubs after all. But still, maybe he's just remembering them performing before?

Once again it's Kalim to save the day, adding in his own commentary on what had happened, and adding, and adding, and adding, and, "Ok! I got it! I got it!" An annoyed huff out before, "I-I'll have a look..." He's not winning this battle at all, is he? Whatever, get it done with then he can go, shuffling over to the amp to see what was going on.

Cater laughs as Kalim takes over the conversation, running a hand through his hair as he unslings his guitar and sets it down. It’s so bizarre seeing Idia in their little club…but of course, he’s hardly there by choice. That gives him an idea, so as Idia sets up to take a look at their machine Cater brings it up.

“Hey, so after we’re done with music for the day we usually just kinda chill with snacks. How about joining us? Sharing our treats is the least we could do in return for you taking the time.” Naturally, Kalim and Lilia seem excited by the idea and Kalim’s already listing all the sweets he brought along for the day. Cater would feel a little badly if he wasn’t looking forward to the idea of spending more time with Idia in person.

Maybe he’s tiptoeing a line, but their online chats have been a bright spot to his evenings—a nice way to de-stress before bed. It’s hard not to want to experience that in a more physical setting…but of course, he has to remember that the person Idia is talking to online might as well be a complete stranger compared to Cater.

After checking the basics on the surface and the cord itself, and, well, turning it off and on again... because that's normally the issue... but finding that it was not working, Idia's pulling the main panel off it to look inside, searching around in one of the pockets of his oversize coat to pull out a slim tool set he always carried on him. How did they even do this? Eh, it was an easy enough fix, but it's such bad gear! He could so improve this! Hell, he could do it now, but if he could get his hands on a list of parts that started running through his head... he could make it amazing. Right now he could only increase it's efficiency by about four times. Far too low for his standards.

Searching out the tools he needed, he did note he was being talked to but tried to ignore it. Only to drop the tool at that question, his eyes going wide in panic as he stumbled over his words, "W-w-w-what?!" NO! Why would he want that?! He tries to avoid them! Why would he want to sit down and eat snacks with them!?! Kalim was pure torture for Idia! Cater was a bit better, but still snapping pictures with that camera all over the place. And Lilia... ughhhh. He tired his best to look innocent, but he really, really wasn't.

He can't do this! Wait! Wait! He actually has an excuse, "I-I-I got my own club, you know! Azul's going to be angry enough I'm late doing this!" He 100% is going to use Azul to get out of this!

For a second, Cater's face falls as Idia provides what's actually a pretty legitimate excuse. "Ah, yeah, guess it can't be helped," he starts as he smiles again as if unaffected. "Maybe some other time--"

Except that Kalim cuts in, proclaiming that they can just invite Azul, too. Lilia agrees that it's a great idea (looking particularly mischievous about it), and before any additional protests can be voiced...Kalim straight up bolts out the door to go and find Azul. Well, that's Kalim for you. Once he gets an idea in his head, nothing short of Jamil's ire is going to stop him.

"Guess that settles it!" Even though Cater seems cheerful enough about the turn of events, he rubs a hand on the back of his neck and shoots a slightly apologetic glance at Idia. He's getting what he wanted, but especially what with how friendly they've been online lately (however one-sided) he can't help the slight guilt at this turning into a whole production.

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